Our Jim

Why does gold equal fifty?

It’s a bit of a myth I suppose, and one which doesn’t really matter all that much unless you are of the Olympic persuasion where gold is everything; or you’re into darts where fifty is good news.
May I suggest a valid alternative? How about having been married for fifty years? Let me tell you that’s real gold!
To achieve that target not only have you to be fortunate in health, but also in your choice of partner; then add to the mix a huge helping of compromise, patience, understanding and goodwill... and that’s just the wife’s contribution!!!
I speak with modest authority ‘cos Phyllis has managed this liaison of ours for half a century come July this year. I had to be there, but trust me it wouldn’t have lasted without her.
So how do we celebrate this iconic milestone? Well to celebrate any event of significance we need people. (Imagine a cup final in an empty Wembley, or a test match without a full pavilion and Fred Truman). Not just people but special people who would enrich the occasion by just turning up.
Well we’re having a bit of a do at home, we’ve got two ounces of boiled ham, (Old Mother Riley North Pier Blackpool 1953!) but we’d love to share the day with a special friend who’s quite local and is nearly celebrating not fifty, but a hundred years of “just being there.”
I speak of The Thwaites Empire Theatre in Blackburn. Yes, believe it or not that’s how long this structure has been around. It’s gone through thick and thin times and just like a true Blackburner, as Elton John would say, “I’m Still Standing.”
Let me tell you about this celebration. It’s a year early, just to get you into a party mood for the main event next year so I know you’ll understand.
As you may know I spent a large amount of my career,(apart from giving away speedboats!) cruising the world on the great QE2 ocean liner. Most of that time I was working with probably one of the best society jazz bands on the high seas. Their name? “Colin Bryant’s Hot Rhythm Orchestra.” Now I don’t want you to start thinking “Oh, I don’t like Jazz.” If you like beautifully played melodies, and big band sounds, (Glen Miller, Count Basie, Duke Ellington etc. and classic tunes like “Stranger on the Shore” and “Midnight in Moscow”) you will be completely at home here.
The downside of the whole shebang is the compere. We were hoping to get Brucie but his management told us he’s attending a course in “How to take full advantage of your allowances and benefits,” so could not make the date. This left the organizers with little choice but to ask me. I said I would do the date at a reasonable fee and they agreed to let me get away with paying only £7.50.
Seriously though if you would like a great evening listening to old jokes and old tunes told and played, I can promise you a “Night to Remember!” (I think that was the title of the film telling the Titanic Story starring Kenneth More wasn’t it!)
I can honestly say that my happiest time in the business has been in the company of Colin Bryant and his band. They bring joy and laughter to any auditorium and take you down memory lane with musical skills the like of which, I promise, you have never seen or heard before.
So do come and share this early celebration of a hundred years of life at the Thwaites Empire Theatre.
I look forward to seeing you there, maybe have a drink or two;
I can let you into a little secret:- For as little as a gin & tonic the band can be bribed easily if you have a favourite tune you’d like to hear; I’m cheaper... a half of Thwaites Smooth and I’ll keep out of the way!!!!