Terry Talks Politics

Northern Life is a magazine for the people by the people and who better to emulate that philosophy that Terry Christian. Terry has been a Northern Life reader for some time now and I thought he would be a perfect addition to the Northern Life team. Renowned for his intelligent northern banter I was thrilled when he agreed to write a regular column for Northern Life. Welcome aboard Terry........

When it comes to politics, I have to admit that being the son of a warehouse worker -who was a shop steward - and a dinner lady, my politics were always to the left of centre. It doesn’t mean that my stomach hasn’t been turned at times over the past 13 years by New Labour’s Blairite mix of Stalinism and aromatherapy, but I have to admit that I still preferred that to the consequences for this region of a Tory government, especially when I, like many, had tactically voted Lib Dem (never again!) to keep the Tories out (the price I pay for living in a posh area).
It did my heart good to see that the Labour Party decided to go down the class war route during the election. I just wished they’d taken it further, describing a vision of the future in which disagreements in the Cameron Cabinet with its posh boy Lib Dems were settled by the flicking of wet towels at one another. Cabinet reshuffles will involve the demoted ministers being debagged in front of 10 Downing Street. The Human Rights Act will be modified to allow reasonable thrashing of servants and random impregnation of house maids. If only they’d put a picture in the minds of the electorate of beflannelled fools swilling champagne in stately homes whilst the rest of us poor oiks grub along just to survive!

The problem was that all the parties were as guilty as each other of fiddling and claiming all sorts on their expenses, so we weren’t exactly an electorate full of trust. Remember the news before Christmas that David Cameron was claiming for his Mint Aeros? That was a bit of disappointment to me – I had Cameron down as more of a Fry’s Mint Cream bloke - you know, smooth, rich, bit posh but, when you try it, really you get quite nauseous.
Anyway, it got me thinking at the time about the other leaders and their chocolate bars of choice. For Nick Clegg: I initially thought maybe a finger of fudge but, in the end, probably a Milky Way – light and insubstantial and you entirely forget you’ve had it! For Gordon Brown: well, I’m all against lazy stereotyping but, what the hell, he’s Scottish, so a deep-fried Mars Bar it is. And, just to show that - like the BBC - we’ll include all politicians, regardless of how odious we find their views, for Nick Griffin: well, it would have to be the creamiest milk, the whitest bar - Milky Bar!
Maybe things could have been different if we could have trusted what the politicians were saying. Even the Guardian writers, who backed the Lib Dems in the election, are now spitting out their muesli in outrage. And the Con-Dem? Well, let’s not call it a coalition - it’s a Tory Government with a Lib Dem rump! Not that I blame the Tories and David Cameron for their quick thinking. David Cameron was, after all, quite quick to spot something about Nick Clegg that he could easily use to buy him on the cheap. To be fair, it was there for all to see in the TV debates. It was an over-weaning vanity and the almost pathetic desire to be considered one of the big important boys. Once Cameron understood this, it was simply a case of oiling over to young Nick and saying, “Here’s a nice title. You can stand in for me when I’m on holidays, if you like - and, by the way, here’s a nice big black bin-liner for you to dump all your ‘principles’ in”.
To those who think “Well, it may be a Tory Cabinet, but it is leavened with five Lib Dems, so at least it will be a bit more in tune with the normal everyday world”, consider this - three out of the five Lib Dems in the Cabinet are public school boys and all five are Oxbridge educated. I get the impression they won’t find it that hard to fit in.

Any coalition should be based on a marriage of political principles and not be some sort of self-serving tawdry deal to facilitate a power grab. On the most important issue – the Economy - the Lib Dems’ plans were pretty much in line with the Labour plan of no immediate cuts. The argument being made was that to cut now invites the risk of tipping us back into recession. This was diametrically opposed to the Tory take of savage cuts right now. One can only assume that many of those who voted Lib Dem, like myself, might have bought into the economic analysis as put forward by their party. Still, they all seem such nice chaps, so what’s a complete volte face between friends?
As a political marriage, it looks as likely to last as one of Jordan’s shack ups with some ultra-dim piece of tanned beefcake – only this one looks more tacky!
Perhaps we should take a Marxist perspective on Nick Clegg and his party? Not Karl this time, but Groucho: “These are my principles. And if you don’t like ‘em, I have others”.
Perhaps that’s what Nick Clegg meant when he talked of ‘the new politics’.
I will confess to a sneaking admiration for the Tory stitch-up on this one. The Lib Dems claimed to have wanted to break the two-party mould, but they have handed the Tories power with no commitment on PR, and their actions in sacrificing principles to cosy up to the boys in blue will only enshrine the two-party system. At the next election, the Tory core in the Shires will stay loyal, the anti-Government vote will go to Labour, and oblivion awaits the Lib Dems.
As to the effect on the North - and the North West, in particular – we need to bear in mind a couple of things: a much greater percentage of Public Sector jobs are in the North, so these ‘efficiency savings’ will hit us harder than the South; in all economic bad times, the baddest (worst!) time of all is always had by the North!
My prediction for this region is that it will end up less about people engaging in the Big Society and more about people selling the Big Issue!

Article from issue 32 june/july 2010. To order this issue go to the Northern Life online store.